Let's talk about 'We'

 'We' is such a tiny word but with a much larger implication.

To create a 'we' one needs at least two people. 
You can not be a 'we' on your own unless you have a multiple personality disorder so called DID
But let us not go there.

'We' can cause a feeling of solidarity, togetherness. 'We went out for dinner'.
'We are invited to a reception'. 'We went on holiday, just the two of us.'
But 'we' can also involve millions of people: in Holland we live with 18.000.000 neighbours...
Sounds quite claustrophobic, doesn’t it.

Or ‘we’, your co-villagers, will look after your animals when you are in hospital’.
Which they did full hearted, bless them.

'We' can be used in general, to specify a certain amount of people, to express your positive feelings but also to express bad feelings.
'We don't get along at all. We always differ in opinions. It would be best if we don't meet again.'
In this case ‘we’ can be quite suffocating and it can be a huge relief if 'we' becomes 'me, he or she'.

So, 'we' always involves at least one other person and yourself in a conversation that involves most likely the same action of both. Or a request for the same action, agreements of ideas etc.
But not always....

A few weeks ago I was in an Academic Hospital for a hip revision, in the safe hands of an excellent team. And it was a very successful revision.
As all the Dutch know, nowadays you don't stay a minute longer in hospital than necessary. You are send home as soon as possible. Given you are not ill, no fever and sort of mobile.
'My' Team in Groningen is wonderful. So many people involved in the pre- and after operation care: 'Are there people at home to help when you need it? Do you need external help from specialists like physiotherapist? We want to be sure you have a comfortable rehabilitation at home.'

Only a few hours after the operation a female physiotherapist showed up at my bed side.
She was kind, helpful, knowledgeable and very serious about her job. But she made one mistake.........: 'we'!!

'Do we think we can stand next to our bed?'
I replied that I didn't know if she wanted to get out of her bed but I would give it a try to get out of my bed.
She looked at me, a bit puzzled, but missed the point.

'Fine' she said. 'Let us try to get out of bed. And let us be careful please!'
'Yes, I (with 'I' loud and clear) will be careful.'
But still she did not get it because after dizzy me standing next to my bed carefully walking a few steps, she explained to me 'what we could and should not do to guarantee a proper rehabilitation and healing'.

She returned the next day shortly before I went home again and was so pleased with the progress 'we made and that 'we' were ready to go home. She also mentioned she could see 'that we knew how to use the crutches'.

Needless to say that she did not go home with me. My temporary half 'we' stayed in hospital to help other people.
A most valued very dear friend collected just me and not her and drove 'us' (yes, he lives in my village too) home.

Do not get me wrong, I really liked the physiotherapist but oh how I disliked her 'we'.
Maybe (and only maybe), one uses the 'we' for a group of toddlers. To give them a feeling of togetherness, to comfort them. But I am not a toddler. Nor do I suffer from mental problems not knowing who or where I am. Nor do I have DID.

I am still wondering if I should have told her not the use 'we' in the way she did. I know she means well but please please, I am an adult!
Or maybe I am just a bit sensitive being someone who tries to work things out on her own, only asking for help if I realize I most certainly an without doubt, can not do something myself or on my own.

So, to anyone who reads this and using the 'we' , please realize that your well-meant way of talking can cause some disturbance with your public.
Never use the 'we' for grown ups, not even (or particularly not) when they suffer from dementia.
We are 'I's' and 'Me's' :-) Or when you talk to us, 'You's' 

Hugs from me!

Helen