Let's talk about 'More or Less'

 More or Less, we all use these words and I think very seldom evaluate them.
But sometimes I do. Ponder on words, taste them.

More or Less as a phrase 'They are more or less the same'.
Or a question 'More or Less?'
Or a statement (the other way round) 'Less is More'.
Or with synonyms such as 'almost, pretty  much, just about'.
No doubt you can add a few more.

Although I haven't arrived yet in the last quarter of my life (I plan to grow 100 years), I noticed that More or Less is very much suitable to growing older.
For example: when you grow older and develope more body fat, it is less easier to loose weight.
The more time you have to read (being part time pensioned) the less possibile it is without glasses.

I can not compete anymore with my own body (shape wise) and energy of 40 years ago, though I concider myself still very fit and young at heart. Let's be honest, heart and soul don't grow older, just the body.
And I have less wrinkles than some of my cousins who are less curved than I am.

Still lately I noticed I need more and more cream to maintain less wrinkles and to update the moisture content of my skin.
We have an expression in Holland to compliment someone who gained many years since you last saw him or her but still looks unwrinkled: 'You dried up nicely!'

I always thought that getting older means less obligations but it seems it does not turn out this way.
For a lot of things you need more time to accomplish them.
Puting cream on my face (or whole body by now) takes more time as I need to do this thoroughly to achieve more result. Using less cream is out of the question.
I pedicure my own feet but it takes more time to do so. To keep it nice I announced the Sundays to be my 'I spoil myself Day' which includes a proper pedi- and manicure.
Do I need more well known creams (avertised at the best of the best) and therefore spend more money? No, less famous creams are also adding more to your skin. You just need to spend a little more time to find them.

And then food........ I need to eat less food than in my younger years. The same amount of food means gaining weight, let alone more food.
I do need more excercise to gain less weight. 
And I wonder if this is why you you need a retirement in later life. To necessarily and unavoidable spend more time on things that took less time in your younger days or which were far more less of interest to you.

I enjoy being around people I love, like and value for e.g. a proper evaluation of the world, a good laugh or peronal talks but noticed I become less tolerante to large groups now I live more years on my own.
Said that, I have always loved more to be with just a few valuable people than amongst a crowd (called introversion). These people give me more energy where groups or noisy places, drain my energy.
I therefor thrive much more with less.

During the Summer lots of tourists from all over the world are visiting our tiny but ever so lovely village.
Walking my dog I often end up in conversations that  add more stories to my day.
The less expected, the more beautiful these stories are.

I live in a beautiful area: The Wadden Sea (world heritage) 

Photo: Ike Roelfsema

Sea, clouds, birds, endless horizons, just the sound  of nature. I do not need more to enjoy my life more. Less 'noise' means much more to me.
Particularly in Winter when nature is quiet or when storms blow daily life miles away and icy temperatures tickle my skin and energy.


Well, this post was less lengthly than previous ones because 'what more can I say'..... ;-)

My dear readers, please grow older with more values, spending less time on trivial things.

Hugs,

Helen

Let's talk about 'Wadden Tears'

 Yes, they do exist, Wadden Tears.

Are they different from other tears? Not in substance; they are wet, fill ones eyes, roll down ones cheeks and taste salt when they reach the corners of ones mouth.
Though the emotions behind tears differ. They can be caused by loss and this on it's own is divided in many sub emotions: missing a loved one, home sickness, income....
Tears caused by physical pain. Falling from your bike, down the stairs, head ache, an operation...
Or caused by incapacity, frustration, anger. And of course, last but not least, by happiness!

Tears have a purpose. They give air to emotions, relief you from pressure.
Sometimes one cries without wanting it. And not everybody cries easily, like myself. I simply can not cry unless my heart aches tremendously but even then I can not cry when someone else is around.
The kind words: "Please cry, it helps." do not land in my system. Too many genes from my father's side. My grandmother went through many losses but was not known to cry. Friesian stubbornness?

Some people cry to manipulate; to put pressure on a wish of which they know can not or will not be granted. Or seeking compassion to feed their ego.To reach a selfish goal, to impress or to weaken the other person.
True sorrow reaches my heart but manipulating tears freeze me and I shut myself off for the manipulator.

But there are times that my eyes are filled with tears but I do not call it crying.
Since my move to this lovely fishing village near the Wadden Sea, I walked many many miles, regardless the weather. Those who know me, know I love the rain and mist and prefer cold(er) temperatures. Therefore you find me often outdoors, inhaling the fresh air, the smell of the magnificent and ever changing Wadden. Listening to the waves and the birds or just silence during low tide. The wind through my hair and the rain on my face,
Admiring the stunning clouds drifting by, wishing them to lift me up, to take me with them. To embrace me.

I am almost always on my own with my dogs, no other people around which causes a change in dimensions: I feel tiny and humble. A little figure in an immense world with it's own seasons.
Being there I can not change the tides, the weather, the moon or sun. Nor the directions the birds fly, nor birth or death of the animals that live in and around the sea.
The only thing I can and will do, is being there and undergo the beauty I am surrounded with.
And it is not until I taste salt that I know tears found their way to the corners of my smiling mouth, my heart overflowing with thankfulness.

There is something about the Wadden that brings forgotten emotions to the surface.
And it happens to other people as well.
Tot the man who lost his wife to Cancer, a few years ago. He stood there, tears dripping at the collar of his coat. But with a smile. He told me his story and said: "I often come here to be healed. The Wadden is a healing place, so full of compassion".

Or the lady dressed in thick winter clothes, almost invisible under a fluffy hat, who looked for items - preferable bones - she could use to underline her speeches. She was a 'mourn lady', a woman who talked on funerals, asked by the family of the diseased. 
But all of a sudden she bursted into tears, explaining she could not cope with the Corona restrictions anymore, not knowing where the world was heading to. 
When she finally calmed down, she said: "You know, that is another reason why I walk here. The Wadden opens up feelings I am not always aware of. It allows me to cry, it never judges".

Photo: Ike Roelfsema

The lady at the bench, her left arm folded over the back, her right hand resting in her lap holding the lease of her dog. We talked and talked. Then tears in her eyes and she swallowed bravely: "I come here often, Helen. To be away from daily life. As I just told you, at home we have a lot on our plate. But I have not told you my husband is diagnosed with quick deteriorating Parkinson. Walking near the Wadden Sea is comforting me. I feel loved and hugged. The Wadden give. Not just love but also energy to cope for the time until I return here again". We hugged.

The girl who sat on an elevation in the landscape. With a straight back, her hands folded in her lap.
She did not notice me, her eyes were fixed at the seascape in front of her.
She cried in silence. Her tears carried all her sorrows to the sea where they mingled with the waves until they were invisible. Then she smiled and walked away.

The restless man with the low self esteem who often sat near the sea or walked through the salt marshes because The Wadden accepted him the way he was; no judgment, no high expectations.
And he inhaled the love nature gave him. The wind dried his tears.

People, stories, all different, all their own emotions but all turning to the Wadden for the same reason: unconditional love without questioning.

This is true fortune my lovely readers and worth a few thankful tears.


Lots of love,

Helen, xxx

Let's talk about Kissing

This morning I woke up from a strange dream.
I visited a lady well in her 70's who was, as I was informed on forehand, an obsessive cleaner.
She welcomed me heartily with a kiss on each cheek, then looked embarrassed and said, waving her hands: "I am so sorry, I forgot all about not touching and kissing due to the Corona Virus...."

I wasn't too worried because the whole house looked cleaner then clean and smelled like a bottle of exclusive and very expensive disinfectant.
But I think it shows that even in our sleep, we are or need to be aware of not touching other people in public or even our own faces. And the need of disinfectants.
I am definitely not the panicking type of human but I do not underestimate the danger of getting or even worse, spreading this COVID 19.

It made me also aware of how often we touch someone. For example shaking hands out of politeness, when you meet, thank, say hello or goodbye. The more tactiles amongst us, touch because they like to touch; an arm around someone shoulders, touching a hand, a tiny hug.
But we also hug to comfort a friend, or to show our appreciation. Or hugging the one we love, this can be a friend, relative, a lover. All of a sudden we realise how often we kiss, maybe not always aware of the importance of a kiss. And if we learn the importance of a touch or a kiss through the Virus, something good comes out of it.

Woken up by my dream, I pondered upon the variety of kisses.
Kissing the tiny little feet and hands of your precious baby. The knee of your child after it fell on it. The hand of a (grand)parent.
The kiss on the cheek, more famous in the Netherlands than anywhere else because the fashion here is 3 kisses, even with people you meet for the first time (not my fashion in this case).
A farewell kiss in all its meanings.

The first kiss with a boy- or girlfriend, one you will never forget. (Well, I haven't. It happened in a new built shed and the smell of creosote is still causing butterflies in my stomach :-))
The first kiss of your first lover. Short kisses and long deep endless kisses with as the cherry on top of the cake, the French Kiss. Written with a capital because it is the ultimate way of kissing.

The French Kiss is like reading the utmost romantic story ever and nibbling sweets (chocolates maybe?) in the meantime; the first chapters tickle your curiosity. It is a careful introduction to the protagonist, it's character and skills.
And when the Kiss continues, you become more intimate, you dive deeper into the story. It reads better and better, in fact you can not stop reading and exploring. You want to know the end but you want to postpone it as long as possible. You are not aware of your surroundings anymore, you left earth floating to heaven. Then the Kiss comes to an end, not a sudden end but slowly you let go, still tasting, still reading but the last chapter is almost there. You sigh, hesitating to leave the story, a story you want to read over and over again. Together with that large bag of sweets.

The French Kiss is an art and if you do not manage it you definitely need to grab the opportunity when it arises. Of course you need a skilled teacher!

Photo: Ike Roelfsema ©

Back on earth, back to the 'average' social kisses we are not allowed to give to people we meet. We need to keep the kisses indoors. COVID 19 is changing our social behaviour, all of a sudden we realise how normal an occasional hug or kiss was. And how precious a kiss is.

But do not fear, we are blessed with the internet and with emoticons. The most famous these days is the one with the mask. Though I noticed that the hugging and kissing emo's are gaining in popularity.

So much that nowadays we are kissing people we never met. Worldwide we feel connected, share worries, share jokes to keep up the good spirits. We are like trees standing storms.
COVID 19 keeps us apart in real life, but connects over the internet.

Bless the inventor of the emoticons. And bless the spirit of everyone trying to make the best of life in a period we need so many hugs and kisses. Keep sharing them, please.

Lots of love, hugs and kisses,

Helen XXX

PS Can someone explain to me why it is called the French Kiss??? ;-)