Let's talk about 'More or Less'

 More or Less, we all use these words and I think very seldom evaluate them.
But sometimes I do. Ponder on words, taste them.

More or Less as a phrase 'They are more or less the same'.
Or a question 'More or Less?'
Or a statement (the other way round) 'Less is More'.
Or with synonyms such as 'almost, pretty  much, just about'.
No doubt you can add a few more.

Although I haven't arrived yet in the last quarter of my life (I plan to grow 100 years), I noticed that More or Less is very much suitable to growing older.
For example: when you grow older and develope more body fat, it is less easier to loose weight.
The more time you have to read (being part time pensioned) the less possibile it is without glasses.

I can not compete anymore with my own body (shape wise) and energy of 40 years ago, though I concider myself still very fit and young at heart. Let's be honest, heart and soul don't grow older, just the body.
And I have less wrinkles than some of my cousins who are less curved than I am.

Still lately I noticed I need more and more cream to maintain less wrinkles and to update the moisture content of my skin.
We have an expression in Holland to compliment someone who gained many years since you last saw him or her but still looks unwrinkled: 'You dried up nicely!'

I always thought that getting older means less obligations but it seems it does not turn out this way.
For a lot of things you need more time to accomplish them.
Puting cream on my face (or whole body by now) takes more time as I need to do this thoroughly to achieve more result. Using less cream is out of the question.
I pedicure my own feet but it takes more time to do so. To keep it nice I announced the Sundays to be my 'I spoil myself Day' which includes a proper pedi- and manicure.
Do I need more well known creams (avertised at the best of the best) and therefore spend more money? No, less famous creams are also adding more to your skin. You just need to spend a little more time to find them.

And then food........ I need to eat less food than in my younger years. The same amount of food means gaining weight, let alone more food.
I do need more excercise to gain less weight. 
And I wonder if this is why you you need a retirement in later life. To necessarily and unavoidable spend more time on things that took less time in your younger days or which were far more less of interest to you.

I enjoy being around people I love, like and value for e.g. a proper evaluation of the world, a good laugh or peronal talks but noticed I become less tolerante to large groups now I live more years on my own.
Said that, I have always loved more to be with just a few valuable people than amongst a crowd (called introversion). These people give me more energy where groups or noisy places, drain my energy.
I therefor thrive much more with less.

During the Summer lots of tourists from all over the world are visiting our tiny but ever so lovely village.
Walking my dog I often end up in conversations that  add more stories to my day.
The less expected, the more beautiful these stories are.

I live in a beautiful area: The Wadden Sea (world heritage) 

Photo: Ike Roelfsema

Sea, clouds, birds, endless horizons, just the sound  of nature. I do not need more to enjoy my life more. Less 'noise' means much more to me.
Particularly in Winter when nature is quiet or when storms blow daily life miles away and icy temperatures tickle my skin and energy.


Well, this post was less lengthly than previous ones because 'what more can I say'..... ;-)

My dear readers, please grow older with more values, spending less time on trivial things.

Hugs,

Helen

Let's talk about Rain

Because it is more common these days than sunshine. And just now you are thinking I am sooooooo fed up with rain, I write about it.
Not to make things worse though! Maybe I can raise some love for it with you.

Rain is not just water. It is liquid water in the form of droplets that have condensed from atmospheric water vapour and then become heavy enough to fall under gravity. Rain is a major component of the water cycle and is responsible for depositing most of the fresh water on the Earth (source Wikipedia)
If you are into recycling, well, here is the best example in the world.

Without rain, no life. The bottle of water you tow around walking, sporting or because you are told you  need to drink at least 2 litres per day, is filled with life.
The tea, coffee you drink is made with water. The food you eat needs water to grow. Your flourishing garden, refreshing shower, your bath, swimming in the sea, romantic outings near the lake, fountains, reflections in rain puddles, even your clean cloths or shiny car, it all has to do with water and without rain no water.
A little gratefulness when it is raining is not out of place.

The average human being loves an equal amount of sunshine and rain. So do the farmers.
Many people travel hundreds if not thousands of miles to escape the rain, craving for warmer areas where they can zip their wine near.... yes... the sea.
Unfortunately water is not equally spread around the world. Where we had so much rain the past weeks, other counties suffer from extreme droughts. And no, I am not going to discuss the climate change.

Fortunately there are also people who love rain. They are called 'Pluviophyles', lovers of rain. A pluviophyle is someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.
And I know where I am talking about. Rain gives me a feeling of well being, cosiness and happiness.
This might sound strange to those who dislike rain but let me try to explain.
When it is raining, the sky is usually very dark which creates in my home a 'nestling' atmosphere. Candlelight, a book, or staring out of the windows, fascinated by the ever chancing pattern of running drops on the glass, giving the world at the other side, a totally different look.
The sound of the rain is easing my busy mind, it 'forces' it to a steady thinking rhythm. 

A rainy day can be a boring grey but can also be dramatic, with fierce clouds in 1000 shades of grey and black. Clouds that burst from the sea, that hang around overlooking the world below or floating past blown by the wind. A never boring scenery!

Rain smells, a wonderful lovely smell which fills the air before the rain arrives. And after the rain the smell is even better; a lush green smell of life. Colours are brighter, the grass greener, the soil darker, the sea more blue or silver.
Raindrops on your hair and face. Raindrops near the sea are a bit salty, try and taste. Look at the sky, feel the drops on your eyes, lick them from your lips. And smile! This is life!
Spread your arms and catch the rain, hold it in the palm of your hand and be aware you hold life.

Photo: Ike Roelfsema Photography

Yesterday I stood near the sea and let the rain and strong wind play with me, with my thoughts and feelings. I gave over to the forces of nature and felt so extremely alive!!
I watched the clouds by night, listened to the sound of the tide swallowing the rain, taking advantage of it. Due to the strong wind, the tide rushed in faster then usual. A fascinating site.
Dark clouds guided the tide ashore, covered my little space in this enormous big world in a darkness as beautiful as it could be. The sun was not to be seen other then colouring the rims of the clouds in a subtle orange pink, reflected in the shiny mud where the tide had not taken over yet.
A few spares moments and then the first waves washed ashore. 

And I watched, absorbed....... rain, life, passion, love.....

Helen

Let's talk about Value

Value, a small word of great importance.
It is attached to, in my humble opinion, everything in life. Nature, people, emotions, you name it.
Ah yes, value of money and objects but I do not want to go there. Apart from the money you need for a basic life, money can be a burden, too much and you lose the feeling for real values....
Objects? Nice, enjoy them but enjoy above all the simple side of them, not what they are worth in money.

Maybe I am the incurable optimist but even when life is less attractive, I always find value in little things. Of course, I am blessed with a good health but also know the down side of e.g. fighting Cancer. Even that added more value to my life.
And value in friendships, relationships. Only a very, very few friendships remain which is good, you can not hold on to or depend on others all your life. Or being dependent of what others think of you. Fifty different people have fifty different opinions of you. Let go, be you.  After all you are the base of your own life and from this base you develop and become stronger.
You need to be able to rely on your own base, it lasts until you very last day, broaden it and secure it.... with values.

November is a month where value speaks more often to me. It is a month in which I lost people - who played an important role in my life - through death. Each in their own way; with much love or far less love.
I miss my mother who passed away 11 years ago this month. Maybe it has to do with age but the more people mention I look like her, the more I miss her and getting older I also see the similarities in look more and more. And I am proud of it!

When life is hectic or when my brains are too occupied, I wonder which advice my mother would have given and realize how valuable it is to have had a mother like her. No, she was not a saint, she was a real human being, strict with a touch of stubbornness. But above all loving, sincere and honest.
She taught me the value of all living creatures, the seasons, the basic things and love. That ever so complicated but also simple love of opening your heart to receive and return love. The value of vulnerability of love.
Which on its own, allows you to know the value of grief. You can not grief when you do not know love and the other way round. Yes, love can hurt, so can grief. But grief can heal, so can love.

Everyone inherits good and bad things from both parents, grandparents and so on. Add life experience on top of that and you become that one and only unique you. Value the freedom of being unique and use it to become rich. No, not 'rich as in money' but rich as in being able to make your own choices. To discard what does not make you happy and let grow what does make you happy.
Learn the value of positive energy and stop spending energy on things you can not change or that do not make you happy.

Photo: Ike Roelfsema Photography ©

Learn the value of opening your eyes to see beyond what is immediately in front of you. The value of learning, taking on new things, challenging yourself which level you can reach. The value of expanding your world with new things, this can even be in a small radius around you.
Learn the value of colours, even when it is black and white because there are so many gradations in between!
Or the value of music, even when you can not hear it. Though you can feel it, through your fingers, in your body, your heart. Music is not only the sound of instruments, it can be a voice, a word, the wind, the sun.

Last but not least, learn the value of making mistakes. Without you don't grow.
If a decision you made turned out to be a mistake, do not feel sorry, it happens, it is part of life. Avoid doing it twice but do not feel shame. After all you are very human, how valuable is that!


Love,

Helen

Let's talk about ageing....

Whether you are young or whether you are old, each stage in life has it's advantages.
Personally I like getting older. Yes, yes, you might not at all agree, at least not now, maybe at the end of my story.

Your childhood is precious and passes too fast. Impatience is part of the growing up. Particularly when you enter puberty. That stage that you are 13 coming up 30.
Parents talk rubbish, are embarrassing, don't understand you, are old fashioned and above all, extremely meddlesome.
You never sigh so often and so deep as in your teenage life. Neither will you ever roll your eyes as often. After all 'been their, done that', you know it all much better as a modern child of old fashioned parents who - sigh slash eye roll - do not even take the effort to understand you.
Although you consider yourself being an adult, you can't wait to grow up even faster and the proverb 'youth is waisted on the young' isn't meaningful to you.

You rush with big steps into the real life of earning your own money and living in your own apartment or house.
Whilst you overthink this all being that hasty teenager, you completely forget that adult life comes with loads of responsibilities. From doing your own laundry to paying your bills and TAX. From 8 to 5 jobs or being self employed with much longer working hours, to being woken up by impatient children at unearthly hours. And everything in between of which you suddenly realize your parents did it all without you even knowing or caring about it.

Well.... welcome to the world of the grown ups!

My memories of my childhood are care free and full of love, laughter, warm long summers and winters full of ice and snow.
My memories of being a teenager are confusing, upset hormones, heartaches, misunderstandings. Besides love and shelter of course. The proverb  'too large for a serviette and too small for a table cloth' was very appropriate. The one minute I felt confident and the next minute totally unsure.

I could not wait growing up and leaving it all behind me.

I also disliked the institute 'school'. No, I was not stupid and perfectly capable of learning but as I just said, to me it was an institute that locks you up for most of the day. And during my youth, children still went to school on the Saturday mornings as did most people work on the Saturday mornings.
Maybe it has to do with  being an introvert. If I couldn't remember staring out of the windows instead of concentrating on my fellow students and teaching material, the remarks in my reports still tell me.
All I wanted is being somewhere on my own, not surrounded by other people.

I was brought up in a lovely family with one brother but many other young people flocking the house sharing meals and laughter. I liked it at times but also had a small space in the garden where I could hide to enjoy solitude.

It changed when I had a job I truly loved: being a receptionist/telephonist and regularly a hostess on exhibitions. Surrounded by hundreds of people but I loved it. This is where my self-confidence evaluated to normal standards.
And suddenly being the non-official-adopted foster daughter of a Yorkshire couple helped a lot too! Being part of the British way of life made me complete. But this is a different story...

We now arrive in our twenties, a steep learning curve towards our thirties and still it can not go fast enough. You still make mistakes (did I know by then that making mistakes is part of learning and learning is equal to developing and that is what you need to do until your very last breath), you hate making mistakes because you see yourself (finally) as the adult you should be.
Society is demanding, so is making a success of friendships, relationships, your job and last but not least your marriage.

Looking back, these twenties and thirties did not differ much: you have loads of energy to cope with all your plans and mental growth. You learn to cope with the responsibilities you definitely were not aware of in your teens. Loads of energy to make your life successful.

Then come the forties, not for everyone but yes, for me the life changing era.
The end of the marriage, the start of a totally different life with totally different expectations and opportunities. Challenges.
And although the divorce, Cancer and several operations, self employed, part time jobs elsewhere until an 80 hours per week job with travelling within Europe, I still had the necessary amount of energy to live a life like this.

This is also the stage in life you realize that being just you and being at ease with yourself, doing the right things in life and being honest, is the true base of your life. Nothing more and nothing less.
The opinion about me of people who passed by in my life, has never been of much importance to me. I was brought up with the intention to be a nice person and a personality, not the 'go with the flow' and not a 'part of a large group' person. And you will agree that 50 different people have 50 different opinions about you. You can not please them all, that is simply impossible, a waste of energy which can better be spend on those who are close to you with mutual respect.

It is in this stage of life you learn where your priorities are. Or even better: with whom. You have the energy to learn this and paying it attention. You are half way your life (technically spoken) and want it to be good with no worries about things you can not change. You learn to turn the unchangeable nasty things into good things. And slowly you grow towards your fifties......

Photo: Ike Roelfsema Photography

You might not realise it at first (fifty sounds old though, middle aged....) but this is the stage in life you can be just you. You will notice, whatever you do - being silly or seriously, dancing in the streets or jumping in pools getting soaked, or up to your knees in the mud during a refreshing walk - youngsters smile and think "That is a silly person but who cares, she/he is old anyway". Where the elderly people think "I wished I could still do that. And who cares, she/he is still young! Such a blessing!"
With this in mind, make the very best of this stage in your life! Live it to the full and stay responsible.

I am more than happy to say that this feeling is still appropriate at my current age, I can not speak for beyond early sixties. Though I do have lovely close friends beyond seventy who do not only share this view on life but who still 'dance in the street', who are energetic and active, who enjoy being who they are, being alive and kicking. Still discovering new challenges in life....

Ah.... life! It is still a party but it is yóú who has to put up the decorations!

Cheers!!!

Helen

Autumn, Winter and Music

My last post was also about music, I know.

But music is important to me; it either articulates my feelings or it opens up my heart to feelings I have hidden for what ever reason. And these reasons do not always have to be negative.
Although not born and bred British, I am familiar with the 'stiff upper lip': you don't want to show your emotions or don't want to talk about it. Nothing wrong with that.

Being busy and concentrating on daily tasks ánd a different future, deepest emotions are not always in place. I tend to push them away to a corner in which I can not always find them back again although I know they are still somewhere; they never leave me. My way to handle my life.

Fortunately I have a positive spirit and recognize new opportunities when they arise.'Varras' is not accidentally chosen; this Finish cow bar elevates my life to a new level.
Seasons also have their influences on my spirit and energy. The people who know me well, know that Summer is not my favourite season. I love sunshine for it's light ad warmth but it often drains my energy. For me a Summer Sleep is more appropriate than a Winter Sleep!

Then it is time for Autumn and I wake up, I start living again and my energy returns.
Don't ask me why, probably an amalgamation of cooler temperatures, colours, scents and skies.
The rain singing it's song, the mist fading contours and narrowing the world around me, the fiery colours of leaves and skies, energetic thunderstorms and the strong smell of wet decaying leaves and mushrooms.

The forest is a busy place for wild animals gathering nature's goodies to survive the Winter; by eating as much as possible for a deep sleep or stockpiling.
And suddenly there is silence; nature waits for the first snowflakes changing the world into a white blanket that muffles sounds; boundaries disappear.
I do not have to explain that Vivaldi's Winter and Autumn are my favourites.

It is this stillness that triggers forgotten emotions. A stillness that makes me aware of the many blessings in life. Stillness penetrates everything and adds balance.

It is not only stillness that reaches my heart. I mentioned earlier that music can do the same and without expecting it.
This happened to me this week. I came across beautiful photo's taken by Gio Boretti. Browsing the photo's I suddenly listened to beautiful guitar music that touched my heart, the compositions is called 'Love for an old wolf' , I shared it on Facebook.

But it was 'Winter Silence' that reached, without warning, the deepest corners of my heart where I, to my surprise, had hidden a few unshed tears. And I am not ashamed for these feelings, no stiff upper lip. I listened and listened.

I have never met you Gio, but thank you!!

Helen