Men and My Checklist (post with a wink)

Men.... 3 letters for a large group of human beings.
Women... 2 letters more for human beings, part of much larger group, the latter may be the explanation for the two extra letters.

Statistically the age expectation for women is higher than for men; not only in The Netherlands but world wide: "A new study finds that it's behaviour, not biology, that's responsible for the growing gap in the mortality rates of men vs. women all over the world" according an article on Shape.com
I am not going deeper into this, you can read the article yourself.

So why do I start my post of today with this opening?
Yesterday evening I had a lovely and sometimes hilarious phone call with a dear friend who I know since 1992. Friend (divorced) and I (widow) share a few adventures like someone (a tall and handsome man) pointing a double-barrelled shotgun at us. Will post this as a story in my 'Helen Varras' Story Book' one day.
Many common memories and many future expectations we like to dwell on.

One thing we talked about yesterday evening was a quote of several well hearted  people who only wish us good: "Isn't it time for a new relationship?" (As if it is easy the choose from all the men queuing up on our doorsteps.....).
Although we disagreed about looks (a relief ;-)), we agreed about our wish list (or checklist) growing while we age. Not a surprise; when you are young, you have less experience in life and grow together in a mutual future. But the older you get, the more experienced you are, the longer your wish list.
You learned what you don't and do like. And if you think that looks are less important, you are wrong.

And then the question raised, shall he be older or younger?
Younger is often better looking, in better shape but younger is very seldom looking for older although more common in this modern world.
And if a younger man  is looking for an older woman, older has often money. One other thing we agreed on, friend and I, that we definitely do not want a Toy Boy!

Older? Are we ready to push wheelchairs and change nappies? Eeeehhhmmm, we are when it happens in the relationship but rather not on forehand (talking about very old men now, not about disabilities!).
No offend to very old men, we are well aware that we might reach that stage in life too but hopefully not in 30 years time.

I think that this list also has to do with being more independent but that might also be the case for younger people who live on their own for quite some time, curious to your feedback.
The need for a partner is less urgent. Of course intimacy is wonderful but that is not the most important part of a relationship any more. It completes a relationship but other things are also important.
Saying this should mean a shorter wish list instead of a longer but no.

The 10 years I lived alone between my divorce and my second marriage, my brother, very concerned, once told me: "You will never find someone else, you are too picky; either a man's ears are too small (or too big), he is too dull or too active, does not like reading books or is married to the cinema. Or he is under 6ft 2" (appr. 185 cm.)."  And here my brother has a point: I love a tall man because I love to cuddle under someone's chin and not with someone under my chin. But this is personal ...

After the phone call of at least two hours, my friend asked me if I would sleep well and not recalling we talked about. I slept very well but the subject was back when I woke up and now, after the usual house keeping chores, I sat down and made for the very first time in my life, a visible wish list.
Rather call it a checklist, a YES and NO list. And I am more than happy to share this list with you.

I have not decided yet if the fact that the NO list is shorter than the YES list, is a positive outcome ;-)

There is one thing that is not on the list: older or younger.
Younger: statistically yes. Achievable: challenging. Realistically: I leave this to my readers....

Conclusion: we don't choose voluntary for much older men, younger men don't look for older women and the really nice and huggable modern men these days, are in a relationship or gay. Sigh....

Helen