Let's talk about Reflections

Although I prefer promoting to look for the time ahead of one, to explore the future possibilities - no matter if they are large or small - I can not, like most people, avoid looking back in this time of the year.

It is December 30 - 2019 and tomorrow night we say goodbye to a year gone by and hello to the blanc canvas of 2020.
Is it just me or do you as well remember the Millennium celebrations like yesterday?
Time flies! That was my first New Year celebration in Friesland after my adventures in Sweden.
And now, 20 years later, the first celebration in my new home in Northern Friesland, even closer to my roots. I am slowly but surely moving towards Scandinavia!

Back to 2019, what a year this was, not just for me but for everyone. Each family, each home collected memories. Good ones, bad ones and in between. A year of new born life and a year of death - so close related. Of illnesses and recoveries. Of separations and new lives together. Of laughter and tears. Of storms and calm seas.
And whatever happened, as long a we are able to discover that it are the little things in life that teach us values, the stones we use to build our base, we know we can conquer another year. Even better, we are allowed to look forward to another year.

For me too, reflection time.
I knew when celebrating the transition from 2018 to 2019 that this was the last time in my old home. And as usual, I was on my own with a book, my favourite classical music and my animals.
I watched the fireworks above the nearby small city and the surrounding villages, particularly above the Wadden Sea, a few kilometres away, praying when ever I was going to sell my house, I could find a cottage close to the sea.
The tiny village I got to know during my Wadden photo shoots. Where I sat on a frozen bench covered by the golden orange sunset sky you only see in Winter time, with only the sound of the birds and the smell of a log fire. The total silence was so comfortable. I remember so well that this was the moment I fell in love with that village.

My only option was renting a house and I knew this was not going to be easy as what ever would be available, would not be available for long. During the photo shoots and my visits to the cosy local Pub, I talked about selling my house and wanting to live in this small fishing village.
My prayers were heard, my patience (not always easy!!) was rewarded. But it was only until 3 weeks before the new owners moved into my old house, that a cottage was available.....

In the meantime I had to keep my little business going, sorting out my belongings, getting ready for another move and hopefully the last one.
This all was only possible with the help of very dear friends who helped me out where ever they could. My gratefulness to them is beyond words, I will never forget what they did for me. And not only their helping hands and muscles but above all their mental support.
Their reward is my happiness; I am so incredible happy where I live now! I feel so much at home.
Not just because I have ancestral roots here but also because the typical Scandinavian characteristics are still so visible amongst the people here. The Vikings did a wonderful job forwarding their fierce genes when they put their stamp on the Friesian coast!

My life changed intense over the past years. Moments that life came to a hold with the clock ticking forwards. Moments that I created a new way of living, starting all over again, like I did 20 years ago.
I have learned throughout my life to look forward, to create, to live. Things my parents taught me, knowing by experience that you need to be prepared for unknown future events.
A strong character is given by birth and developed by believing in the impossible, encouraged by the right people around you. I have been so fortunate to have it all. My credo is well chosen: Fortis et Liber (Strong and Free).

The end of 2019, celebrating in my new home. Not only new for me but also for my animals. With even a new addition to the flock: Willow. An 11 years old very sweet and beautiful 'half' Russian Bleu cat. Unfortunately her owner died December 13 and Willow (her new name which sounds similar to the old one) desperately needed a new home. And she did not cross my path without a reason. Dog Bas and I missed our old cat Kater. For Bas a little furry friend, for Frits a friend to snuggle up with in his basket  and for me the comfort of a purring cat at my lap. And Willow turned out to be the perfect cat in our flock. Yes, she has a character of her own, but she is extremely intelligent, easy going and ever so sweet! She fits in like she has always lived with us. If she reaches the same age as Kater, we have 8 years of mutual friendship to enjoy.

Isn't it wonderful to celebrate new 'things'? A new way of living, feeling, seeing? That every heartbeat is for the future? Every love feeling is free of charge? Every sunrise and sunset available in stunning colours, just at your

Photo: Ike Roelfsema ©

doorstep? Every smile, young and old, is rewarded with a smile? Every unexpected hug a little present?
Meeting new people adding stories to your life? Learning from other people? This happens in real life and in virtual life. Meeting people is possible all over the world. Exchanging stories and likes, discovering new ways of communicating and sharing.

My wish for you my lovely readers, is a healthy as possible 2020, a New Year with exiting possibilities, with love and friendship but above all the power and vision to look for it and to accept it. And when you are open to it and found it, treasure it; the largest gift of it all!

Lots of love,

Helen

Men and My Checklist (post with a wink)

Men.... 3 letters for a large group of human beings.
Women... 2 letters more for human beings, part of much larger group, the latter may be the explanation for the two extra letters.

Statistically the age expectation for women is higher than for men; not only in The Netherlands but world wide: "A new study finds that it's behaviour, not biology, that's responsible for the growing gap in the mortality rates of men vs. women all over the world" according an article on Shape.com
I am not going deeper into this, you can read the article yourself.

So why do I start my post of today with this opening?
Yesterday evening I had a lovely and sometimes hilarious phone call with a dear friend who I know since 1992. Friend (divorced) and I (widow) share a few adventures like someone (a tall and handsome man) pointing a double-barrelled shotgun at us. Will post this as a story in my 'Helen Varras' Story Book' one day.
Many common memories and many future expectations we like to dwell on.

One thing we talked about yesterday evening was a quote of several well hearted  people who only wish us good: "Isn't it time for a new relationship?" (As if it is easy the choose from all the men queuing up on our doorsteps.....).
Although we disagreed about looks (a relief ;-)), we agreed about our wish list (or checklist) growing while we age. Not a surprise; when you are young, you have less experience in life and grow together in a mutual future. But the older you get, the more experienced you are, the longer your wish list.
You learned what you don't and do like. And if you think that looks are less important, you are wrong.

And then the question raised, shall he be older or younger?
Younger is often better looking, in better shape but younger is very seldom looking for older although more common in this modern world.
And if a younger man  is looking for an older woman, older has often money. One other thing we agreed on, friend and I, that we definitely do not want a Toy Boy!

Older? Are we ready to push wheelchairs and change nappies? Eeeehhhmmm, we are when it happens in the relationship but rather not on forehand (talking about very old men now, not about disabilities!).
No offend to very old men, we are well aware that we might reach that stage in life too but hopefully not in 30 years time.

I think that this list also has to do with being more independent but that might also be the case for younger people who live on their own for quite some time, curious to your feedback.
The need for a partner is less urgent. Of course intimacy is wonderful but that is not the most important part of a relationship any more. It completes a relationship but other things are also important.
Saying this should mean a shorter wish list instead of a longer but no.

The 10 years I lived alone between my divorce and my second marriage, my brother, very concerned, once told me: "You will never find someone else, you are too picky; either a man's ears are too small (or too big), he is too dull or too active, does not like reading books or is married to the cinema. Or he is under 6ft 2" (appr. 185 cm.)."  And here my brother has a point: I love a tall man because I love to cuddle under someone's chin and not with someone under my chin. But this is personal ...

After the phone call of at least two hours, my friend asked me if I would sleep well and not recalling we talked about. I slept very well but the subject was back when I woke up and now, after the usual house keeping chores, I sat down and made for the very first time in my life, a visible wish list.
Rather call it a checklist, a YES and NO list. And I am more than happy to share this list with you.

I have not decided yet if the fact that the NO list is shorter than the YES list, is a positive outcome ;-)

There is one thing that is not on the list: older or younger.
Younger: statistically yes. Achievable: challenging. Realistically: I leave this to my readers....

Conclusion: we don't choose voluntary for much older men, younger men don't look for older women and the really nice and huggable modern men these days, are in a relationship or gay. Sigh....

Helen