Let's talk about Hands

Hands...
I am not blessed with slender elegant hands, fit for the finest leather gloves.
My hands are (so I think) average. Not long nor short. Not slender nor big.
I maintain them the best I can: hand cream, equal long nails, occasionally with a red polish but I can't hide that these hands have been busy all their life and not only behind the computer.
When a teenager I got my Free Time Millers degree, I have been a veterinarian assistant (loved to work on farms during my training, even though cattle manure was sometimes up my Bra), I do not wear gloves when gardening or house painting and I do pick up things from the sea shore.

No gloves, I need to feel texture for better grip or understanding.
I need to feel sand, mud, water, warmth and cold. Seeing me with warm cosy gloves in Winter is a rarity. Maybe these are all the same reason why I do not wear socks. I love walking barefoot, I need direct surface contact with my skin.
Walking  barefoot in a forest, to feel the soil, old leaves, branches. For me this is one way of feeling close to nature.

When shaking hands, I prefer to feel the temperature of the hands I shake.
It is not just the skin but also the way some one shakes hands that tells me a lot about the other person.
The look too! I love strong hands which shake brief and firmly. Which I prefer to call the No Nonsense Shake. If you ask me what I miss in this non touching Covid time then it is a handshake.

Now we wave, or an elbow (impossible when you need to keep 1,5 metres distance, my arms are not that long). Oke, yes, waving also tells something about the person who waves at you. Feminine, masculine, shy, straight forward etc). And during waving (if not too far away) I can observe the hand.

Back to the exterior of the hands. They do not need to be smooth and soft. I don't mind if they show signs of hard working either by labour or arts (sculptors, veterinarians, builders, gardeners, to name a few). These hands are used and very much alive.

Hands tell much about a character or a way of life. I always look at hands, not so much the female but definitely the male.
Once I stood near a man who had very soft blank hands which did not match his age but did match his face and his shy eyes. Like the man, they looked unused. My verdict just by watching his hands: 'A bachelor. And not only that but also a virgin'. Of course I can be wrong but I seldom am.
Or the man with hands covered in paint, matching the colour of paint flakes in the hair. A man of labour but the nails were short, the hands strong. Someone who loves his profession and who is good at it.

I  observed that little soft fluffy hands often belong to insecure men. Those with red cheeks like an off spring of Father Christmas. Shy or always laughing and full of jokes but most likely inside very shy.
Shaking a soft jelly hand is polite but I let go immediately.

But in general I prefer a quick but firm handshake when meeting some one for the very first time. Just long enough to sense the other, to make up my mind. I like to feel strength and a certain distance. Arm not totally stretched but almost. And please one (1) shake.....

I know, there are people who shake and shake, the other hand around my wrist or elbow (please don't... I feel imprisoned). They don't let go. With every word of how nice it is to meet you and how much they have been looking forward to this moment, comes a shake. And they fasten their grip if you let go.
These shakers are often also too close, the noses of their shoes almost touching mine. Bless the Covid restrictions.
I find these people very overwhelming, very certain of their own charm and self awareness. Pouring it out  on me. Help!!!
Happening to me, I learned to squeeze, firmly. Or preferable over firmly. And to keep smiling, looking the other person straight in the eyes. And above all to keep my arms as straight as possible until the brains of the other finally register pumping my arm wasn't a good idea. Extravert Shaker versus Introvert Non Shaker.

Or the Charming Josefs who shake once but who are reluctant to let go and therefore using a finger to strike the palm of your hand including your wrist (not that this often happens to me, my eyes usually turn warning dark brown with Charming Josefs).

I recognize surgeons by their hands. Very short nails, very clean and no hair from scrubbing thoroughly.
The country Vet: scrubbed well, short nails and strong, used to heavy work.

I can be very short about slippery sweaty hands, I try to avoid them but are often too polite.
I am blessed with colder hands but I hate it when mine are sweating too in warm weather conditions and apologise rather than wiping them off before shaking. By apologising I let the other the choice to shake or not.

I love to see older hands with the veins on top, seeing the heart beat in these veins. Hands that show a long life, living hands.
As a child already I liked hands like that, they fascinate me and I can't wait to have them too.
I love drawings and photo's of these hands but do not master the artistic skills to eternalize them on paper. I find them elegant. Strong and vulnerable at the same time. Those hands I like to touch, follow the veins. They tell a long story.

Photo: Ike Roelfsema

Handshaking differs per country, not everyone shakes a full hand. Some only the fingertips, briefly. Rather not than well but being polite. Being used to a firm handshake I sometimes feel confused if some one only touches the fingertips. But of course respect.

Why a firm total handshake and not only the fingertips? But this is personal, it tells me more (but not all) about a character. Eyes and hands are a good combination. Frankness is appreciated, a certain distance too. It is only when I get to know someone better and only when it feels good, that a hug is also appreciated.

Last but not least, the touch of a lover. That very unique intimate touch. Holding hands, exploring, entangled fingers, touching palms. Striking finger(s). Skin to skin.
Strong hands, experienced, trustworthy, honest. The feeling of being at home, at ease, longing for more.

Love,

Helen

Let's talk about the 'Man Flu'

This time of year, Winter, is known for the Flu flying around infecting old and young, male and female.
Half my village was ill due to a Flu to which an anti Flu injection was of no help: this typical Flu was not included....

I am very grateful that up till now and although I hugged a Flu victim, I haven't had any Flu symptoms at all. To be honest, I can not even remember when I had the Flu or when I caught a cold.
So no high temperatures, running noses, red eyes, sneezing and coughing, feeling extremely miserable for me.

For the healthy ones amongst us a Flu might not sound very serious and of course only temporary, but it can effect daily life tremendously. Feeling really ill and still being expected to do your daily (household) choruses and / or your job, is very disturbing.
And when you are a woman, you do not want to give in because you can not be missed (where ever you are needed). Who is preparing breakfast? Evening meals? Bringing the kids to school? Walking the dog? Doing the laundry? Etcetera, etcetera.

Not your male partner, he has this very busy and most important job with meetings and what ever more. Until.......
Yes, until he catches the 'Man Flu'. Far more worse than we females can imagine. The worst thing that can happen is catching it the same time. Blessed the ones with no other obligations than staying in bed with bottles of water to prevent dehydration and maybe a litre or so orange juice. And not to forget Paracetamol, boxes of tissues and paper bins to dispose them.

Where the majority of females suffer in silence, men suffer loudly. In our opinion they turn into feeble and moaning boys, exaggerating the severity of the symptoms.
The best thing you can do is making a bed on the sofa or move to the guest bedroom. What ever you do, the mourning and puffing will be heard throughout the house. You sigh and decide it is better to get up and care for him although you feel too sick to do so. But you are the caring female with the responsibility to look after the one you love. So up and running you are, suffering in silence but too proud to admit you would rather stay in bed.

Photo: Ike Roelfsema Photography ©

That Man Flu......
Ladies let me tell you, it exists! There truly is a Man Flu! Men do suffer more than women!
Dr Kyle Sue, a clinical assistant professor at Memorial University of Newfoundland, analysed relevant research and found evidence that adult men have a higher risk of hospital admission and higher rates of influenza-associated deaths compared with women, regardless of underlying disease.
Dr Sue also found that men are more susceptible to complications and higher mortality from many acute respiratory diseases, while some evidence supported men suffering more from viral respiratory illness than women because they have a less robust immune system.

Research has also found that pre-menopausal women are better at fighting off the common cold, thanks to a study of male and female cells.

Dr Sue’s study suggests testosterone may be to blame for suppressing men’s immune systems, while a female sex hormone boosts women’s. (Source Independent UK)

Ah, those testosterones, not equally present in all men. One has more than the other. That makes me think that the ones with too much testosterone, the male male, the ones who overrate their own attractiveness towards the other sexes, suffer more from the Flu than the ones who act less irresistible whilst they might still be very good looking! Or?
Here is a little home study to do for you: is your partner often a victim of the Flu? Often ill? Tell me, does he have an overdose of testosterone?
Or is he never ill due to a lack of testosterone? Is he then boring, not good looking, a low self-esteem?

When you give the research of Dr. Sue a proper thought, your relationship might become more interesting, challenging even.....
A different look on men, your own man....
Curious to your feedback.

Last but not least, today a real man convinced me he is, regarding the Male Flu, not that type of man.
Here is hope!!!
No, I am not going to reveal to you where he lives.....  I want to avoid against all costs that you ladies are blocking the streets near his apartment by queuing up at his front door.

Cheers!!

Helen

Men and My Checklist (post with a wink)

Men.... 3 letters for a large group of human beings.
Women... 2 letters more for human beings, part of much larger group, the latter may be the explanation for the two extra letters.

Statistically the age expectation for women is higher than for men; not only in The Netherlands but world wide: "A new study finds that it's behaviour, not biology, that's responsible for the growing gap in the mortality rates of men vs. women all over the world" according an article on Shape.com
I am not going deeper into this, you can read the article yourself.

So why do I start my post of today with this opening?
Yesterday evening I had a lovely and sometimes hilarious phone call with a dear friend who I know since 1992. Friend (divorced) and I (widow) share a few adventures like someone (a tall and handsome man) pointing a double-barrelled shotgun at us. Will post this as a story in my 'Helen Varras' Story Book' one day.
Many common memories and many future expectations we like to dwell on.

One thing we talked about yesterday evening was a quote of several well hearted  people who only wish us good: "Isn't it time for a new relationship?" (As if it is easy the choose from all the men queuing up on our doorsteps.....).
Although we disagreed about looks (a relief ;-)), we agreed about our wish list (or checklist) growing while we age. Not a surprise; when you are young, you have less experience in life and grow together in a mutual future. But the older you get, the more experienced you are, the longer your wish list.
You learned what you don't and do like. And if you think that looks are less important, you are wrong.

And then the question raised, shall he be older or younger?
Younger is often better looking, in better shape but younger is very seldom looking for older although more common in this modern world.
And if a younger man  is looking for an older woman, older has often money. One other thing we agreed on, friend and I, that we definitely do not want a Toy Boy!

Older? Are we ready to push wheelchairs and change nappies? Eeeehhhmmm, we are when it happens in the relationship but rather not on forehand (talking about very old men now, not about disabilities!).
No offend to very old men, we are well aware that we might reach that stage in life too but hopefully not in 30 years time.

I think that this list also has to do with being more independent but that might also be the case for younger people who live on their own for quite some time, curious to your feedback.
The need for a partner is less urgent. Of course intimacy is wonderful but that is not the most important part of a relationship any more. It completes a relationship but other things are also important.
Saying this should mean a shorter wish list instead of a longer but no.

The 10 years I lived alone between my divorce and my second marriage, my brother, very concerned, once told me: "You will never find someone else, you are too picky; either a man's ears are too small (or too big), he is too dull or too active, does not like reading books or is married to the cinema. Or he is under 6ft 2" (appr. 185 cm.)."  And here my brother has a point: I love a tall man because I love to cuddle under someone's chin and not with someone under my chin. But this is personal ...

After the phone call of at least two hours, my friend asked me if I would sleep well and not recalling we talked about. I slept very well but the subject was back when I woke up and now, after the usual house keeping chores, I sat down and made for the very first time in my life, a visible wish list.
Rather call it a checklist, a YES and NO list. And I am more than happy to share this list with you.

I have not decided yet if the fact that the NO list is shorter than the YES list, is a positive outcome ;-)

There is one thing that is not on the list: older or younger.
Younger: statistically yes. Achievable: challenging. Realistically: I leave this to my readers....

Conclusion: we don't choose voluntary for much older men, younger men don't look for older women and the really nice and huggable modern men these days, are in a relationship or gay. Sigh....

Helen