Let's talk about Intimacy

'Intimacy, a situation in which you have a sexual relationship with someone' (Cambridge dictionary)
But it may also be a non-sexual relationship involving family, friends, or acquaintances (Wikipedia)
Still, the latter was not the meaning of a recent conversation which triggered me to write this post.

In September 2017 I wrote about 'Men and My Checklist (post with a wink)'  based on the well meant advise from people to look for a new relationship,
By now the majority of people accepted that I prefer to live on my own but a very few still think that my life would be so much better if I had a partner again, someone to share my life with, to cuddle up with on the sofa or in bed.
To go out with, to talk to, to kiss and hug and all other things that come with intimacy in a relationship / marriage.
The big question of these kind and gentle hearted souls is: "Don't you miss intimacy?" Meaning a sexual relationship.

Do I need to think long and deep before I answer? No! Because, what is intimacy to me? How do I feel, experience and treat it?
Intimacy to me is that deep borderless connection I have with the one I love and trust. And for him (I am an incurable heterosexual) this will feel the same. That special level of interacting, translated in a touch, kiss, smile, laugh, tear, making love (with or without exciting sex) or even an argument to keep things lively.
And what is the meaning of a long term sexual relationship without this intimacy? For me any form of a sexual relationship needs some intimacy. I am not the 'one night stand with a stranger' woman, I need more, a 'foreplay' of getting to know someone. His character, smell, likes and dislikes. And a wicked sense of humour. And let's not forget his build: tall, broad shoulders.... (see my wish list ;-))

Seriously, I might be very old fashioned or to some even boring but I still have my taste and values.
So, do I miss intimacy..... no. For the very simple reason that there isn't someone I love like I described before. No one to share this intimacy with. In my opinion I will only miss it when it is connected to the person I love to be intimate with and that person is simply not there. At least, I don't know him.

Freedom is not only living in a free country. Freedom is the precious condition of being who you are. Not pretending, just the basic you who creates from this base a free happy life. Free in your head and heart. If you live this life with the one you love so deeply, this is the most wonderful thing there is for you. Though for me and for many others, freedom also means living on your own, no strings.
Like someone once mentioned "Yes, I am a free spirit. Maybe too free but I want to be able to change".
I say: "Yes, I am a free spirit. Maybe too free but I do not want to change again".

Dear readers, my life changed too often. I am now at a point in life and at a place in this world that I feel free and happy. I do not want to change again. I want to stay put with myself.
Am I an egocentric person to say I do not want to share anymore?

Photo: Ike Roelfsema Photography

I like to believe I am not. And my close friends know I am not; intimacy as in friendship is important to me, it is rare and valuable. As it will be to many of you.



To those lovely people who still can't believe I am happy on my own, living  a fulfilling life, enjoying living with my animals in my little cottage so close to the beautiful sea, making long walks with my camera, absorbing solitude and nature, listening to the wind, tasting the rain, feeling the sun, spending time with dear friends, enjoying a good meal in the local Pub (the 'single' list is endless...): please accept this is my free will. I know you only wish me well and your intentions come straight from you heart but stop trying convincing me....  After all my credo is 'Fortis et Liber' (Free ánd Strong).

Change of subject....... ;-)

Lots of love,

Helen xx

Beautiful things in life

So many beautiful things came my way last week! All done by the beautiful people in my life!

But let me start two weeks ago when I had a little accident. I am not going into details of how it happened, only the results: a dislocated collarbone (believe me, it hurts!!), concussion (yes, I have been 'off this world' as we say here), a bruised knee, fingers and face.

When it happened, my youngest dog was worried sick and tried to get me back on my feet. Even after two weeks I can't go anywhere or he walks or sits next to me, observing me with his beautiful brown eyes. He was the first beautiful 'thing'.
Next was a dear friend who told me the next morning: "If you don't phone your doctor, I will!!!" (knowing my stubbornness so well).

The third beautiful was my doctor who diagnosed what I mentioned above after a thorough examination including an ECG (which proved a healthy heart). He also removed a piece of suspicious tissue from under my eye but when the result came back from the pathologist, it was innocent. This was the 4th beautiful.

I had to postpone a meeting because driving a car with a dislocated collarbone is not only painful but dangerous as well; I can't take action if something is happening.
And from that moment on, the other beautiful things happened and beautiful people arrived on my doorstep!
My pedicure who is also a friend, took me out for a High Tea; we had a lovely afternoon and the food was more than excellent! Thank you so much Elizabeth, you made my day!!!

Another dear friend who also has the gift to keep my impossible hair in shape, arrived with a box full of goodies to enjoy during Christmas. How lovely and thoughtful is this! Big hug Douwina!!

A dear cousin treated me with an extra to spend to my own idea, thank you Hans!!

Another friend gave me a beautiful lantern with a Christmas decor and little lights "for the darker days". Again a hug from me Tineke!

My lovely neighbour being worried about my accident, gave me the biggest hug in the world and friends further away in kilometres, sent me hugs and kisses.

Photo: Helen Varras

Big beautiful things are not the ones you buy with money. Big beautiful things live in people's hearts and souls. An honest hug is not to value in money, only in love. And love my dear readers, is big, special, absolutely beautiful and ever, ever so precious!!

Thank you beautiful people who created little wonders in my life, you mean so much to me!! Sending you my love and may there lots of little lights shine in your life!

Helen

Beautiful Moments

Please share my beautiful moments with me....

It is August, the rain is pouring down and leaves little drops like diamonds on the large window apposite me.
The wind moves the trees in a fast pace; green apples - still growing - dangle at their branches, not trying to give way to the wind.
I see the very first yellow leaves dwelling on the grass. Is this an early sign of Autumn or the drought of the past weeks?

Next to me the scented candle flickers in the antique glass and creates a cosy and comfortable atmosphere in the otherwise dark kitchen where I type my stories.
I listen to a beautiful CD which arrived with the post on Tuesday. A friend who knows how much I love classical music, sends me these CD's for which I am more than grateful.

Photo: Helen Varras

The first part of the CD I play over and over again as it touches my heart. It stirs an emotion I can not explain. It is encouraging, inspirational, beautiful, it comforts me. But at the same time it makes me feel small, a tiny human being in the universe. Above all it causes grateful feelings. I am alive, I have a life, I have a gift.

When I listen to this music, the world around me comes to a halt and every sense of me is aware of what I hear: Suite no. 3 in D-Major: part 2 'Air' Johan Sebastian Bach

Helen

Time....

Did you notice time flies?

Today it is 8 months ago that my dear husband passed away. Ever since, the concept 'time' changed completely. Sometimes it feels much longer than 8 months and sometimes it feels like yesterday with all the past months still ahead of me. At that very moment I feel the pain even more and with the knowledge of today, an uncertain future.

Don't take me wrong, I am not afraid to fight for my future. I am not afraid to be forced to look for an income, to find a job but sometimes it keeps me awake as, be honest, at 62 finding a job is not that easy.
But I have always been a fighter and that did not change. My glass has always been half full and that did not change either.
It is time, my dear readers, to list the good things that happened to me!

First of all against all odds, I published my first Dutch e-book (Observaties) in March. On the right side bar is listed where you can order it. I am happy to tell you e-book no. 2 is on its way.
It sells but only occasionally although the reviews of the readers are very positive! Still, I receive quite a few request to translate it to English and that is what I am working at (besides my novel). Stay tuned for more information!!

I created a Facebook page which is well visited, please take a look and follow me if you like : Helen Varras' Facebook Page
I also have a personal Facebook account, you are very welcome as my friend: Helen Varras

And there is my twitter account (the amount of followers keeps growing): Helen Varras on Twitter
Plus Instagram: Helen Varras on Instagram and Pinterest: Helen Varras on Pinterest
Last  but not least and very important, my LinkedIn account: Helen Varras LinkedIn where I listed being a (freelance)writer, author, editor, translator and blogger.

You are right now on my 'private' blog but as you will have noticed in the top bar, there is also a Dutch and an English Blog. The Dutch Blog is all about updates and short stories. The English Blog is an occasional update and more and more short stories and I love to tell you more about the English short stories.
I love Instagram, the beautiful photo's on there are a joy to watch. I also found some beautiful people on there with my private account. But what I also found are photographers of abandoned places. Search for #abandoned on Instagram and have a look yourself.

Three photographers however, touched not only my heart, but their photo's also inspired me to write stories. There is so much to view and without doubt, there are so many unknown and untold tales attached to each photo!
I asked them if I was allowed to use some of their photo's to write a pure fictional story to it. And to my great joy and thankfulness, they said yes. Of course at the bottom of each story is a 'word of thanks' and a link to either the Instagram account or their websites and please, visit them.
To my astonishment I receive far more feedback to my English stories than my Dutch. Yes, I understand very well that English is a worldwide language, hence my translation of my first e-book.
Isn't it beautiful to be able to grow worldwide? To me it is a blessing.
But there is also a message to you: if you like my stories, or you want stories to illustrate your drawings or photo's, please contact me and let us discuss the possibilities.
Or if you have written stories in English, Swedish and German and you want me to translate them to Dutch (or from Dutch to English) you are of course also very welcome!

Besides all this I am hoping for people to get to know Helen Varras a little better. I want people to know that writing is my passion. I love it!! Stories evolve in my head during the day (or even in my dreams) and I think of it as a huge miracle to put these thoughts into words and into stories; short stories or a book.
I reserve my mornings for daily routine duties in the house and the garden and the afternoons and if I can't stop writing, the evenings for writing. And of course I can not resist participating in writing contests.
To my great joy I was one of the winners of a contest! I sent two stories and both stories will be published in a book (read more about it here) And not only that, one story ended at the 2nd place!!
Wow, I was (and still are) over the moon!! This is so encouraging, a confirmation that I have chosen the right new direction in my life. Still a long way to go and lots and lots to learn but this is something I can only look forward to!

This was on the writing side. Personally I am surrounded by wonderful people, most are my own friends but I also inherited some beautiful friends from my late husband. Everyone of these 'mixed' friends really care, are not afraid to talk to 'a widow', they are people who openly talk about happiness and sadness. Who love, laugh and cry with me. Who listen and who hug. Who send me flowers or little present. But above all, who encourage me to write, write and write.
How can I fear a future when surrounded by so many honest people? I don't! I am blessed and are well aware of it.

Thank you beautiful people!!! Sending you lots of love.

Helen